Confucius says...

he who farts in church sits in on pew.
man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy!
man with hand in pocket all day not crazy, just feeling nuts.
he who sleep in bed of nails is holy.
do not drink and park, accidents cause people!
man who put pea in soup is very unclean.
passionate kiss like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
man who run through airport sideways is going to Bangkok.
boy who go to sleep with sex problem on mind wake up with solution in hand.
squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
man who has money to burn makes an ash of himself.
baseball wrong - man with four balls can't walk!
man who fishes in another woman's well, often catches crabs.
man who stand on toilet high on pot.
man who put penis in peanut butter jar... fucking nuts!
woman who go to man's apartment for snack... get tit bit.
man who runs in front of car, get tired.
man who runs behind car, get exhausted.
virinity like balloon - one prick, all gone.
man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.
man who takes lady on camping trip, have one intent.
better to be pissed off than pissed on.
if you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.
it takes many nails to build a baby crib but one screw to fill it.